No ifs and or buts

If I stare at the doorway to the kitchen long enough she will walk through it.

If I touch her handwriting with my nose she will send me a letter.

If I call her old number on my phone she will answer.

If I squeeze my hand tight enough she will hold it.

If I cry hard enough she’ll feel so guilty for leaving she’ll come back.

And I know everyone dies eventually.

And you're probably in a much better place.

And I had 23 years with you, more than some.

And you knew how much I loved you, right?

And I know you loved me.

But I’m making meat in the crock pot and I'm awful at it. It doesn't taste like yours at all.

But I’m sending Christmas cards to all your friends and it feels so fake and sad.

But I got a new job in the ICU and it's a big deal and you should be so proud me.

But Nick’s having another baby and I don't know how to help.

But now strangers are living in your house.

But you didn’t want to leave me.

If I write this all down and you knew how much I need you you would be here, but you left to somewhere I can't go.